On the cusp of Spirit Weavers and the tide is rising. I feel it in my whole being and it is very exciting. A lovely letter came through from Mea (Daughter of the Sun ), a little magic to set us alight, to establish the energy and help us glow. I have been super open without expectations. I grew up in this sort of strong feminine energy that vibrates from the ground up, and without wanting to know what to expect, I feel I might know. With saying that, I am completely open to all experiences and sensations being new and unfamiliar. It will be fun.

I am giving myself advice in advance to balance all of the socializing by taking time alone to sit and write. It will be very important for me to release this way over and over. I want to flow. I have a hand bound book that I made and plan to write in pencil, as was my daily practice years ago. Lily and I will likely chat non stop on our three-hour drive from San Francisco to Mendocino. I know from the fluidity of our virtual exchanges we will have a cohesive connection in reality too. Lily is confident, balanced, and interested in her role in this world, as a stay at home, homeschooling Mama, which she has sculpted in a very aware way. She is subtle, precise and prepared, and incredibly thoughtful. I could not have asked for a better travel companion.

It is my goal to let it all wash over me, and part of that is surrendering to my truth and the truth of others. It will be rising from the earth, blinking like fireflies and now and then I will catch some light and put it in a glass jar to share.

The first of which I have to contain here, is Ego.

Ego is a word to use and understood wisely. When the word ego floats around in conversations it is often used in way that implies an ego is not ok. If you have never met a women with next to no ego, a person who has all but lost their ego, then you would not know the consequences of being near egoless, but if you have met someone like this, then you know. Ego is very important.

The word ego has been around since people invented words, in latin it simply means I. It is no coincidence it is a word so like egg. It is about being. It is about life.

Latin translation: I, we, me, us, myself, ourselves

Somewhere along the line, psychoanalysis, shifted society’s relationship to the word ego. Ego is not something you can let go of, there is no separating your self from your ego, in the same way there is no separating yourself from the collective. You can have too little or too much. The best you can be aware and register your ego with an inner gauge, and your actions and manifestations relating to it. “Check your ego at the door.” does not mean put it in the coat check, it means, check that it is in balance. To do this, you can look at what your ego may be physically or emotionally attached to, and let go of those things if need be, you can loose physical and emotional things that unbalance your ego, but do not loose your ego.

For example, when I was packing for Spirit Weaver, I very much wanted to bring a hand knit alpaca poncho that Gyan made and gave me, but as I held it in my hands I had a sense, that it might be overly admired and bolster my ego, so I decided to leave that behind. My ego was present, but I was able to let go of the material manifestation of pride, which essentially means, channeling self-awareness, listening, and acting on balancing the ego.

There is energetic diversity within any given ego. We are all unique. Within one person, there are various aspects, levels, and components to the ego. What is important, is not the absence of ego, but a healthy ego that is nurtured by love. One must not dispel their ego, one must know when it is operating in the right measure for your body and soul, and the collective. The beauty is, you can only know this because, you have an ego. There is the Id too, which means it, but lets just stick with ego for now.

A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
“a boost to my ego”
Synonyms: self-esteem, self-importance, self-worth, self-respect, self-image, self-confidence
“the defeat was a bruise to his ego”
PSYCHOANALYSIS
the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
PHILOSOPHY
(in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.

An ego is a person’s self worth, and if a person has no self confidence, no self-importance, and no self-esteem, then they have no self value. The person without ego is quite often lonely, and since I know this person very well, I can tell you she spends a lot of time in bed, with little to no interaction with other people face to face. She does not take care of her body because she does not think she should live, she has so little self value, she does not brush her hair or teeth. Often she cries and wishes she would die. She can not go out in public because she thinks she is hideous to look at, and on the occasions when she has to go out, she has such severe anxiety, she can not function. Self-confidence to do simple tasks is so diminished she can no longer drive, or go to the grocery store. Ego determines the quality of life you have, if on the earthly plane if you have no ego, you have no life.

A healthy ego is a very important and necessary thing, because the women with too little ego, does not go to Spirit Weavers, and she is the one who needs it the most.

Understanding that the ego is something to nurture wisely, and that there can and will be both inflated egos, and deflated egos is very important. To some degree, we all will have experienced both because people have to have a sense of the middle way. You need to know both ends of the spectrum within yourself to find your middle ground. We learn this from stepping outside of that point that feels like “I” and then back in again.

Long term existence in either extremes within the gradient of the ego can cause suffering for individuals, the collective and earth.

I am a fan of the 70’s saying “Drop the ego” which indicates the ego is high, so let’s lower it. But we must not disable the important aspect of ego. Being aware of a healthy ego cycle is the goal. Which for some will mean dropping it and for others, it will mean lifting it, hence the saying, ‘Boosting the ego’. The important thing is to know yourself and become aware if you need to rise or lower, expand or contract. Your ego is like the moon, a cycle of waning and waxing, you should know when it is full, and when it is time to be new. This is not literal that your ego shifts with the moon, but in fact you might see that it does. Spirt Weavers is a chance to know the ego in a wise way. I will be there, with divine timing on the new moon, birthing the more connected aspect of “I” in a collective of other’s doing the same.

P.S. I plan to be off social media for a couple weeks, but I plan to keep writing here, it will be good for my ego 🙂 you can read previous { Let The Sun Shine In } to know the story of why I am away from insta again, I love you all. Will write when I get back from Spirit Weavers some time after June 7th.

Artwork by Isabel Bryna

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