There are certain characteristics that I possess, that has made Instagram a larger part of my life than I ever imagined, and it is not my ability to take photos, it is my ability to be really into something, dare I say it, *addicted*. Due to the strong feeling and compulsion I have had around Instagram, I have been forced to think a lot about it, beyond, the simple act of selecting and posting photos. I have had to ask myself, “Is this good, is this healthy?” and I have had to impose Instagram rules on myself about how many photos I post per day, and be sure that I have days off when I do not use Instagram at all. I have established rules about when it is not acceptable to be Instagraming, like at the dinner table, or when visiting with friends. I have had to establish my own Insta etiquette, and make sure I stick to it. Instagram has seeped into our world in a big way, and I find myself thinking about it more than ever, and sometimes I am of two minds about it.
Being really into something can be positive, like if it is gardening, or yoga, or knitting and it is kept in balance, but when it is something that creates two minds, I have to question the value. If somehow being ‘into it’ becomes a compulsive action then there is a mental struggle. Now and then for me there is an underlying negativity I feel towards Instagram. For me the down side is that it takes my attention away from my children. I do need this diversion on occasion as a homeschooling mother, but I have to make sure it is not all the time. To limit this I try to Instagram when they are occupied, but still I find myself saying “In a minute!” to the children because I am busy ‘liking’ photos of a whole heap of people who are not in my present, when the little one I love is standing there in front of me, loving me. Another reason I feel oddly towards it is the physicality of holding the iPhone, and staring at the bright screen does not feel healthy, when done in excess, or at crazy hours of the night. I feel the vibration of my phone and the kind of energy it radiates to be pretty intense. If my future teenage girls looked at a device as much I do, I would be worried for them. I keep on thinking to myself, if you do this all through the day, they too will do this all through the day.
Feeling addicted to something sets off alarm bells in my mind. I am grateful my life addictions have been gentle few. I don’t drink soda or coffee or alcohol, and I am not a crazy shopper, and other than in my younger years, smoking pot for a short time, and being obsessed with one particular boy, this is the most questionable thing that has presented itself to me in years.
I remember when I first heard about Instagram, a friend of mine started using it, and I remember saying that I did not want to use it because I thought it would stop me from taking ‘real’ photos with my big camera. At some point I cast aside that view, and went crazy on Instagram, and sadly what I thought would happen did, I stopped using my SLR camera as much, and I stopped blogging too, because my Instagram feed became a mini photo journal of our life. The positive side of this is ease and convenience and the sheer popularity of it attracts so many people, it can be a powerful tool.
I also remember the day I realised Instagram could be a thing to connect with the masses, and that there were popular Instagram people, or Instagram celebrities. One day I noticed my friend was following a woman named Bleubird, whom I inquired into, and discovered that my friend did not actually ‘know’ her. I looked at Bleubird’s account and was struck by the fact that she was really really cool, she had 40k followers and her feed was a perfectly curated gallery of images, done in such a way to attract followers. In my naivety I had thought Instagram was a place for sharing images with people you actually knew! From that moment on I joined in the game. The game of collecting connections and followers, and getting likes. It was not in an overt way, just a natural curiosity to be a part of the Instagram community, meeting like-minded people, and being inspired, and sharing ideas.
The ball started rolling and my natural inclination to create, meant I used Instagram as an artistic platform. I could make things, and show everyone and get attention from it, but with ego aside, I could also act as an ambassador for the things I believe in, by having a bio that said “I am a home-birthing, breast-feeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, home-schooling, vegetarian artist who likes to travel while loving the planet and all people on it”, then by posting the photos that validate this I was able to define my life in images.
Taking photos is something I really enjoy, and I found myself wanting to make things and take photos just for the sake of Instagram. I loved it, but oddly with this comes the need to keep a balance of creating for the experience, not just the photo, and I found myself thinking of life BI (Before Instagram) when I used to just make for the sake of it. Largely I was still making and doing things I had always done. Celebrating nature by building snow caves, and making flower crowns, but the difference is now I have to get the photo, to get the likes, to get the followers, to get the buzz, to feed the feeling. There was something thrilling for me about seeing the likes climb higher. Had everyone ignored me, I would have been content in my little world of friends I really actually knew, but I was not ignored, I was mildly celebrated, and it gave me a buzz! The positive side of it is that having a community to share with has pushed my creative boundaries, I have made things I never would have dreamed of had I not been inspired to connect with so many people, but still I am kind of plagued by this desire to be a show-off, and to be out there, in a big way.
Now please don’t turn me into some kind of grunting snorting Tasmanian devil (which they say are nearing extinction in the wild), because like I said, it was not my intention to take Instagram to this place. I have had mental dialogues with myself about giving Instagram up, in the devil and angel type way….the devil would say “Just keep doing it until you get to 10k, and then you can stop, that is a nice round number”. Despite my intentions to have an Instagram expiration date, the universe was tantalizing me to stay hooked. At 9K I was put on the Instagram suggested user list. A list of users that Instagram compiles each fortnight. I received an email from Instagram saying, in part:
“Congratulations, kirstenrickert! You are currently featured on Instagram’s list of Suggested Users. Being on the Suggested Users List means that we love your account and see you as a model Instagrammer. We’re hoping during your time as a Suggested User you’ll be able to show other users, new and old, not only your beautiful photographs but also how to be an awesome community member. Please keep that top of mind over the course of your feature as you gain thousands of new followers”.
Being on the suggested user list was crazy. In two weeks 30 thousand new people followed me. Waves of people were pouring into my account. I felt like I was being devoured, that people were feasting on my photos, our life. The thing most confronting for me was that I was no longer accumulating followers in my usual, mummy, artist, flower lover, demographic, I had followers from a much broader cultural spectrum. For example, I was faced with young muslim girls writing to me very bothered by seeing Elle and Maya’s bare bottoms dancing on the beach in my feed, and I was faced with people not as open to creativity telling me my creations were *shit*.
Then on a weightier level, I was also faced with hundreds of people taking, using (or stealing for those all fired up) my images. Every-single-day now, I see someone using my images. Please don’t think I am bragging about this, because I am not, nor am I complaining. It is just a fact of my experience with Instagram now.
At first I was bothered by seeing Elle’s image being used by someone as their profile picture or in their feed, and then it started happening so frequently that it was like trying to stop the tides. People would tag me and I would go to their feed and there would be 2 or 6 or 10 images of Elle. One particular feed was made up entirely of images of Elle and another little girl who looked so similar to Elle it was uncanny. I put in a lot of thought and discussion with Cam over it, and then reached a place of peace with it. During which, there were a few things I noticed. Firstly, was that this was a cultural thing. It was largely people from non-western cultures using my images, not American or Australian, or English speaking countries for that matter. Which made me wonder how much of the issue lies in cultural differences? I went searching for the Instagram guidelines in other languages, which I was not able to find (I would love to know if anyone else knows if the guidelines are available in anything other than English, and if so what languages?). By not being able to find the guidelines in say Arabic, I decided I could not be cross at people who may not read English well or at all, as maybe they did not even know the Instagram rules? I am very conscious not to be racist, and I would not ever block someone for ‘looking’ a certain way, or because they are doing something I do not culturally relate to, that is actually really not so bad in the scheme of good and bad. By taking a moment to read and learn the Instagram rules I realised how hypocritical the whole system is, and that everyone is always breaking the rules anyway. Some of the same people who complain/campaign about people stealing images of children, were guilty of posting images of babies bare bottoms, or kids in the bath (me included) which is also against the Instagram community guidelines, and culturally and morally offends many people. I realised that even though these feeds of pretty children that Elle is featured on are unsettling and culturally foreign to me, and even though, for example, I cannot read arabic, my gut feeling (thanks to the help of emoticons) is that they are celebrating the beauty of the child, and that it is not sinister, and that to them, she is lovely.
I also never wanted to fall into an ironic situation whereby I tell people not to use my image, yet I am quite happy for my children to appear on blogs and in magazines. Someone cutting an image of Elle out of a magazine and putting it in their scrapbook is really no different than them using an image of her on Instagram. Why would I bother being annoyed?
Still though, I understand how people are disturbed by this and it brings up serious issues of child safety and of pedophilia. What people have to remember is that like rape, these thing happen regardless of the image or look of the victim or a photo an offender has seen. The issue lies in the mental health of the perpetrator, not with those being violated. I have the choice to believe that the image of my beautiful flower crowned child does more good in the world than bad, and so I choose to make it free to the public, because by putting my images on Instagram in a public setting, I am basically giving the photos away, whether I want to or not. I consciously choose to bend like the willow and be zen with it. Decidedly take it as a compliment but also be super aware of our safety and wellbeing.
After my recent experience of two weeks of dealing with people ‘not getting’ my choices or my culture, I had a good lesson in tolerance and understanding, from both sides of the fence, so long as no one gets seriously hurt, I am not going to be the pot that calls the kettle black.
All in all, this past few weeks experience were one of those times that made me realise, be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. Now, it has been two years since I started using Instagram, and somehow I have become that woman with almost 40K followers (which I know is really not that many). Bleubird has since accumulated a staggering 147K followers, and I wonder how she relates to it? It must be so much a part of her life, and will she do it forever? Will we all do it forever? Will Instagram ever end? A new competition for the Guinness Book of Records….longest consistent user of Instagram, “113 year old women has been Instagraming daily for 105 years…” it will fit in perfectly next to that man who has eaten the most lightbulbs (yes, truly there is a man who has eaten lots of lightbulbs).
So with all of that said, I want to thank you for following me on Instagram, and I want to thank you for all the love, and guidance, and I want to thank you, for being tolerant and understanding, and for making me more open and challenging my ideas, for making me a better mother and a more committed artist, and I want to thank you for sharing your Instagram life with me. Thank you, thank you, you are all so cool….now enough with the gratitude, you have to excuse me, while I go and post a picture to Instagram…but I know you will understand, because my friends, you may very well be obsessed with Instagram too!
A special thank you to my friend Danielle (aka hippieindisguise) for her guidance with this post.
Kirsten,
Thank you for sharing… I appreciate your heart and wisdom. I have loved connecting with you on Instagram. Your photos are always so beautiful, but mostly I just appreciate your intentionality about life and mothering. Blessings to you and yours… xo
wow, Kirsten. I had no idea!! I don’t pay attention to the number of followers a fellow Instagrammer may have, and in reading this post, I’m now amazed that you take the time to leave comments and to look at my own photos as well. this is an open and honest and grounded post, one with which I relate in a lot of ways. I was happy with 1.000 followers; I can’t even imagine handling as many as you have, let alone 145,000. I love the personal side of Instagram and have many new friends from across the world there that I’ve never met. time is valuable, and I know I spend far too much of it staring at this tiny screen, tapping out words with my thumbs, scrolling through long lists of beautiful photographs, yours included. I think back to the days, so many years ago now, when I was a mother – a single mother – of two young boys. self employed, I found motherhood for me to be a sometimes difficult balance of time with them and time with work. I didn’t have all of the distractions that the Internet now provides- nor did I have the advantages of advancing my professional side in that way. things are so different now, for everyone who plugs in to a computer (is there anyone under the age of 85 who doesn’t?!). whole communities have sprung up for groups to encourage one another. businesses spring up from these groups – I see now a staggering abundance of self help coaches, of e-courses in anything one would like to explore. it is wonderful and abominable at the same time. artwork seems generic. slang words are created and WAY overused. one blog or website tries to be more colorful and soul searching than the next. but – BUT – the beauty of an online-heightened life has many depths to it, and as annoyed as I get with much that is ever brewing out there, I’m also truly grateful for the beauty of it as well.
your frankness is refreshing! I follow your words and photos and beliefs as closely as I would follow those of someone I’ve
known all of my life. I consider you a true friend, regardless of the fact
that we’ve yet to meet, face to face. and I hope that one day, sooner than later, I’ll be waiting for that knock at my front door. I’ll open it, and there you’ll truly be. xoxox Nina
Hi Nina,
Thank you for your words, and thoughts and for sharing your perspective. I also wonder what life would be like if I were the child of this generation of mother, or rather if my mother had had this online world as a distraction/tool, depending on how you tame the beast! Each of us have own relationship with it, I hope it is good for the majority. You seem to do very well at keeping your hands busy beyond holding a phone, and in fact all of your handiwork really inspires me to put down the phone and sew. The irony, is that instagram is inspiring, as long as one has the ability to go without instagram for a moment and act on the inspiration! Rather than just sit there and look, look, look. I do hope our paths cross at some point. I delighted in the idea of us on your doorstep! Maybe this Summer. I would love to hit the road with the girls, and be wandering gypsy, heading north for a month. xoxo
Hi Ainsely,
Thank you for your sweet words, and thank you Ainsley for sharing your wonderful life on instagram! I am so glad to see your images in my feed! I consider you one of my ‘homeschooling Mamas’ and when I daydream of all the mother’s out there doing this, I think of you and your dedication to your children. xoxo
Very balanced blog post on a difficult subject to balance in real life! I know – I often feel the same conflict: Why am I putting off my littles to stare at pictures of other people’s lives? Why can’t I put down the blasted phone and actually live MY life?? Its absurd if it gets out of balance and really sad, I think.
I have a huge struggle with posting pictures of my children for anyone to see, so I have 2 instagrams – one public and one private. As a small business owner, Instagram is finally the first social media that clicks with me, so I want to use it well.
I have also thought the same as you many times. I’ve always been an artist, constantly creating. Now I wonder sometimes, why the rush to take the photo? It never used to be the cherry on top of every experience. Now I feel like something isn’t done until its been posted about. Silly!
I guess, as with any new thing, we need to become accustomed to it and learn to put it in its place. Balance, balance, balance.
Thanks for the great post!
(The first time I’ve skipped over to your blog and it’s really rather lovely!)
The part that really resonated with me;
‘If my future teenage girls looked at a device as much I do, I would be worried for them. I keep on thinking to myself, if you do this all through the day, they too will do this all through the day.’
I sit breastfeeding my little boy Ned to sleep staring into my phone. About a week ago I looked down and saw him staring into his reflection in my gold shiny iphone case (a gift from my daughter), I realised that at some point I’d gone from picking it up once his eyes had closed to going straight to it whilst he fed, ignoring him whilst scanning instagram. And this is funny because 7 years ago we removed the TV set from our house and police screen time for the children like you wouldn’t believe, I am setting a lousy example.
This week my two older children had a full on fight over a Buddha statue! It was incredible -I photographed them both at opposite ends of the sofa scowling -lucky shot. I realised when I went to edit and post that the picture didn’t work in a square and the lighting was off, too grainy or something. I tried to get them to repose -the anger had dissipated by this point- so the picture didn’t work, I found myself sulking over it and being really snappy with them because of it.
You’ve articulated really well the aspects of instagram use that I pretend I’m not down with or obsessed by and I think it’s great to be aware of the slide. I need to stop obsessing so much about how I want to come across and just catch the stuff that matters to me.
You have an exquisite feed, easily one of my favourite ‘gramma’s! XXX
What a fascinating post! So many issues and thoughts, I can feel my mind buzzing with them all. I like your straightforward, honest way with words too.
I’m actually a recent addition to your followers tally, Kirsten, finding my way to you via your usual mummy / artist demographic of like-minds and hearts. I love your images and your life philosophy and like Nina I am astonished with how authentic your comments to your IG community are, given how big your circle is.
I’m also fairly new to Instagram and yet your post resonates with me so much. Thank you for your wisdom, honesty, real-ness, and balance. Your Zen approach to people’s less-than-positive responses to your images (stealing, hating, not “getting” it) is so very inspirational to me. I can only imagine the journey you must have been on, learning to detach your real self and life from the perceptions others have, growing your sense of who you are, your boundaries and your creativity. Oh the lessons we can learn from one another at the School of Social Media. It takes guts and open-ness, though, and a willingness to share with transparency, as you have. Thanks again, Kirsten. Big love, Jen.
I’m actually a recent addition to your followers tally, Kirsten, finding my way to you via your usual mummy / artist demographic of like-minds and hearts. I love your images and your life philosophy and like Nina I am astonished with how authentic your comments to your IG community are, given how big your circle is.
I’m also fairly new to Instagram and yet your post resonates with me so much. Thank you for your wisdom, honesty, real-ness, and balance. Your Zen approach to people’s less-than-positive responses to your images (stealing, hating, not “getting” it) is so very inspirational to me. I can only imagine the journey you must have been on, learning to detach your real self and life from the perce’ptions others have, growing your sense of who you are, your boundaries and your creativity. Oh the lessons we can learn from one another at the School of Social Media. It takes guts and open-ness, though, and a willingness to share with transparency, as you have. Thanks again, Kirsten. Big love, Jen.
Hi Polly, Thanks for writing and sharing your experience, I too have been guilty of trying to re-enact a moment for Instagram, and then being bothered by not getting “the photo”. Anyway, at least we are conscious of it, and honest, and have the sense to know we are crossing some kid of line within our moral comfort zone. On another note, though I want to tell you how much I love your family creativity and that I am a bit obsessed with your face painting, especially the eye lids. I think I might have an insta crush on you! Happy weekend! K xo
Hi Jen,
I am so grateful for you taking to time to connect, thank you. Thank you for reading my post and for commenting. It makes it all worthwhile when friendships are formed, so much good can grow from social media, and bit by bit I am learning to traverse the less pleasing aspects, hopefully with grace! Happy weekend to you! Kirsten x
Thank you so much!
Hi Erin,
It is so true, like you say, why can’t I put down this phone and live my life! By the looks of your instagram feed, you are doing lovely things with your life! I think we all like a deviation from our chores, and at least with Instagram, rather than say television, it can be personalised to specific interests as an inspiration tool. Thank you for taking to time to comment and connect, I really appreciate it. Kirsten x
Thankyou so much for pointing me to this Kirsten! I had meant to read it yesterday and then (pregnantbrain!) forgot. I love your perspective about the different cultural sides of your photos being used, you’ve really encouraged me think about the difference between the role play/adoption sites and those that quite probably have a very different motive.
I also LOVE your honesty about the slide ig can become. I have often had those exact same conversations with myself (and with my mum actually). I have a somewhat back and forth love hate relationship with insta. I fear addiction also, and I hate the desire I see in myself to gain more followers. I also am terrified of it getting in the way of time with my kids. I recently had a short break and one day during that week my son said to me ‘Mumma where’s phone’ – like it was so unfamiliar for him to see me without it! I literally cried. There are so many positive sides of ig that I love (supportive inspirational community of mothers) but I know with my nature I have to be very very careful to keep the balance. Thankyou so much for sharing your heart here. My kids are asleep now so I am off to catch up on ig while I can hehe
Your words are so wise Kirsten! I too feel the addictive pull of social media (instagram and FB) and suffer the guilty pangs of a mother distracted. I’m a bit shy with followers, I am a ‘privately’ sharing my moments on social media with people I know, and a blog I started a few years ago kind of fizzled because I was worried that someone I knew would read it haha! Weird I know, I just love reading a handful of blogs and have such great respect for the writers that I don’t put myself in the same category… I feel lucky to know you in real life, you’ve always been an inspiring and gentle soul. x
Hello sweet Donna, I read this comment before I went to sleep last night, and as I was drifting off, I was so grateful that you are my friend. Yu are so gentle Donna, and hard working and I admire your family for the energy you dedicate to the community in a real and honest way. You are an amazing mother (addicted to social media or not! Ha!). I never knew you started a blog and wish I could have read it! Thank you for your comment, it warmed my heart. xoxo
Hello Naomi, I little slow of me to reply, but better late than never! First off, I want to say what a glowing pregnant Mama you are, you are someone that makes pregnancy look great. Motherhood too for that matter. You shine. Your instagram account is aptly named, because your life is full of light. I hope one day our paths cross, that I find my way to your beautiful backyard for a cup of tea. Thank you for reading my blog post, and reflecting, and commenting. I really appreciate it. I feel like I wish I could offer help through the birth of the baby, but of course I can’t and i know you are surrounded with many many people who love you, there just waiting to be helping hands. All the best to you over the coming months. Kirsten x
Thank you for your honesty, Kirsten. It’s scary how addicting IG can be. Yet it’s so easy to get lost in the act of scrolling through images. I always struggle with privacy on IG. And I’ve been trying to whittle down the list of people I follow. I love the access to inspiration and wonderful people that IG provides, but I also crave real and authentic connections. It’s a hard balance. Increasingly I find myself taking IG breaks or at least pulling back on how many images I share. I wish sharing on IG didn’t come with these negative feelings. But then again, I go through this with my blog as well. I used to have a more family oriented blog but decided to stop blogging there because my posts were more personal, about my experiences as a mother, and I found myself questioning how much I was putting out there.
I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must’ve been for you to have so many new followers. But learning from that process and taking the time to better understand other people’s perspectives speaks to your kind and gentle heart.
Like you, I worry for my son. A little over a year ago I started an IG account for him. I did this mainly because he likes to take pictures. And he was used to seeing me upload photos and would ask if I could share his photos. At first it was innocent fun. He loved sharing his pictures and coming up with captions. Or just typing in a bunch of emojis. But then he learned from other kids about “liking” and “following”. And he starting asking who liked his pictures. So I decided to wean him off. We recently started using a blessing jar at home and I was thinking his IG feed might be a great visual companion to the jar. I love capturing moments through photos. And he does as well. But I know how addicting it can be and don’t want to send him down this road, especially this early in life.
But I’m happy to have found you on IG. There’s so much beauty and inspiration in your images. They always make my heart smile. And I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to connect with me through my photos. xx
Thank you for your honesty, Kirsten. It’s scary how addicting IG can be. Yet it’s so easy to get lost in the act of scrolling through images. I always struggle with privacy on IG. And I’ve been trying to whittle down the list of people I follow. I love the access to inspiration and wonderful people that IG provides, but I also crave real and authentic connections. It’s a hard balance. Increasingly I find myself taking IG breaks or at least pulling back on how many images I share. I wish sharing on IG didn’t come with these negative feelings. But then again, I go through this with my blog as well. I used to have a more family oriented blog but decided to stop blogging there because my posts were more personal, about my experiences as a mother, and I found myself questioning how much I was putting out there.
I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must’ve been for you to have so many new followers. But learning from that process and taking the time to better understand other people’s perspectives speaks to your kind and gentle heart.
Like you, I worry for my son. A little over a year ago I started an IG account for him. I did this mainly because he likes to take pictures. And he was used to seeing me upload photos and would ask if I could share his photos. At first it was innocent fun. He loved sharing his pictures and coming up with captions. Or just typing in a bunch of emojis. But then he learned from other kids about “liking” and “following”. And he starting asking who liked his pictures. So I decided to wean him off. We recently started using a blessing jar at home and I was thinking his IG feed might be a great visual companion to the jar. I love capturing moments through photos. And he does as well. But I know how addicting it can be and don’t want to send him down this road, especially this early in life.
But I’m happy to have found you on IG. There’s so much beauty and inspiration in your images. They always make my heart smile. And I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to connect with me through my photos. xo
Per usual when I really like something, I’ve taken a deep dive into your blog and found this post. Just wanted to say I am happy you did not get rid of Instagram because I would have not found you — which only occurred because of Ladida’s crazy few-hours sale! I appreciate this post and the thoughts… I love your comment about being focused on looking at images from people not in your present when a little child is right there with you. I’ve been inspired. Thanks